She's JV to your varsity
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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