carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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