you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
