Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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