so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I deserve this hangover.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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