how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
