you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
