Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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