She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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