girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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