I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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