I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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