woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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