I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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