Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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