Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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