I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
