Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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