Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.

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(+61): View more from Australia

She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.

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(210): View more from Texas

I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.

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(213): View more from California

there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.

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(317): View more from Indiana

No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.

(1-512): View more from Texas

I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.

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(360): View more from Washington

you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.

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(719): View more from Colorado

How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.

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