She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
