It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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