Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
