I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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