Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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