i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
