So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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