Fine. I'll sleep in my office
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
