Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
