Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
