Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
As shirtless as possible
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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