I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
