So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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