i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
