I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
