I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
