I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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