Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
