K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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