After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We have started to decorate penises.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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