I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
