everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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