I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
