so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
