I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
