you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
