i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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