You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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