Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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