I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize