my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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