Im at strip club and am horny
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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