oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
