we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
