Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
