She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
