take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
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So much Jack, so little girl.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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