I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
