Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
