dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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