you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
