marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
