tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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