I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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